Taciturn Tuesday II

I’m not a fan of social gatherings, as you can tell. Especially since the ones I go to always last more than five hours. For the first few hours, I tend to talk with everyone, compliment them on their appearances as they do mine and sway my hips as I walk like I’m the one everybody’s paying attention to, but then my bubbly spirit deflates like a severely pierced balloon and I soon find myself in a corner from where I watch others and wish to be home.

Are you like this as well? Well, worry no more, friend. I know a few excuses you can use!

  1. “I’ve suddenly fallen sick.”: An excellent excuse, I tell you. Works all the time! Well, unless you’re using this everyday. In that case, you’ll just be sent to the hospital and forced to talk to the doctors, which is not exactly what we want. Just remember to cough every time you think someone’s on to you. Or maybe just cough into a napkin and use it as a human repellent. That’s a quicker way.

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2.”I’ve got plans.”: Yeah, who wouldn’t use this one? No one needs to know that your ‘plans’ consist of staying at home and sleeping all day. Just sprout out the lie and don’t give in the doleful look they give afterwards. Remember, the victory’s of the one with the strongest heart.

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3.”I’ve got an assessment to submit.”: As we get older, the school assessments’ required length gets stranger and stranger so no one would even question you. They’d just give you a sad pat on the shoulder and say ‘I feel you, dude/ girl.’, leaving you to rejoice internally.

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4.“I’m grounded.”: If you’ve already moved out, I advise you not to try this because it’ll just seem plain weird. Anyway, just call the person who invited you, walk up to your parents and loudly whisper, “So do you have the guns, ropes and bodybags?”. Hearing that, your parent(s) will stop you from going out and (voila!) you can tell that person that you’re grounded.

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5.“I’ve got a job to do.”: This one works on those who don’t know you well and, hence, don’t know that you’re too lazy to take on any kind of job. Anything works here really. “I’ve got to fix my horses’ stable!”, “I’ve to babysit the kids from the entire neighbourhood!”, “I’ve got a special date planned tomorrow!”. Yeah, maybe leave out the last one…

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Did this post help you? Don’t lie. I’m sure it did. Remember to use them at your own risk (and not to sue me for this)! That’s a Taciturn Tuesday all wrapped up.

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