Losing The Book Lover Within Me

Just a few moments ago, when I, for a second, thought about reading an e-book for relaxation, I instinctively and subconsciously stopped my train of thoughts. I just realised that it’s a habit I developed over the years.

I love novels and e-books. I’ve always loved to read. When I started a book, I would keep thinking about the story. Even with Disney Channel loudly playing in the background, I’d still be wondering about what would next happen to the protagonist. Like any other kid, I preferred story books over course books, and so my parents would always scold me over that. They weren’t strict about it but just didn’t think reading story books would be any productive for me. When I wanted a book, I’d ask them for it only during the year break because that’d be the only time I didn’t have to study anything as classes were over. Maybe that’s how I came to associate reading books with something similar to procrastination.

Everyone knows how procrastinating feels, right? You feel entertained and almost addicted to the entertainment provided but there’ll be worry creeping back into your mind every other minute. You would love to continue doing it but, somewhere in the back of your mind, you’d know that your parents or who cares for you are going to feel disappointed, and that’d bother you so much that you wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy it and so eventually stop doing it.

That’s what I now feel when I open a new story to read. My heart gets excited at the prospect but my mind is too worried for me to enjoy it properly and I stop my thoughts immediately. And that’s terrifying because reading books is one of the greatest joys a human can ever get and I don’t want to be deprived of that. I will always have something or the other to do in life, so does that mean I’ll never be able to read a book properly?

This was an impromptu post but I hope at least one of you readers understand me. Without any books to read, my knowledge for writing my own stories would be limited and boring. I can’t lose one of my hobbies because they give meaning to life and make it more interesting. If there’s anything similar you’ve experienced or a quick solution to this, do tell me.

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